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created as creator

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This has been such a fun week. Since it was my first week being out of school, I’ve not had any set schedule and no place I’ve had to be. I purposely scheduled fun and relaxing things to do every single day this week. I’ve had lunch dates with several of my girl friends, met up with a brand new friend, shopped a little, caught up with folks over long phone conversations,  slept in (okay, 7am…that’s late for me nowadays) and shoved my face into lots of good books for hours. All of these things have been wonderfully therapeutic for me after going 150% hard all school year. I will miss my amazing students, but summer is here and I am so loving it.

More than anything though, I have enjoyed the various creative projects I’ve worked on this week. I made all of the invitations for our Freedom Party that’s coming up next month. It was so fun to pick out things that went together to make them pleasing to the eye. I had a blast with that. I made some more jewelry this week and started my mosaic made up of all the credit cards that we’ve helped folks cut up in each of our 6 FPU classes! That is a project that’s been a long time coming, and I’m so excited that I finally get to make it happen after years of waiting. I’ve also put together a lot of handmade gifts such as scrapbook frames and handmade greeting cards. It definitely looks like a scrapbooking convention has exploded all over my dining room table. Of that there can be no doubt.

But in the middle of cutting and gluing and sewing and tearing and matching…I thought to myself: why can’t I just do this for a living? It is so much fun. It just makes me feel….alive.

I don’t think I actually have aspirations to chuck my teaching career to make greeting cards for a living (at least not right this minute!) But saying that it made me feel alive was no exaggeration. It was the general feeling of putting my creativity to work to make something out of nothing that really got me. It’s awesome to make something functional out of raw pieces that are otherwise just lying around. Creating something beautiful out of something ordinary. I could see myself spending a lot of time doing that.

But hold up a second…with so many other things on my heart that I love to do, why do I even find these little art projects worthwhile? I mean, I love teaching. I love meeting a child who comes from a messed up family and showing them that they are somebody and they are worth something and they really can do more than they think they can. That’s amazing. My heart also burns for women and children who are caught in the sex trade, forced to do and see and hear things that no one should ever have to do or see or hear. I want to advocate for them, partner with them through their restoration, see them healed. That’s a worthwhile cause to spend my time on. I love cooking meals for an overly busy mom or an elderly couple or a person who’s recovering from surgery or whatever, just so they have one less thing to worry about. Isn’t that the stuff I should focus on, and quit sitting here at the dining room table making pretty little things?

I believe the answer is YES. And NO.

“Wasting” time on making something beautiful is like “wasting” time admiring the clouds or listening to birds sing or breathing in the smells of spring. It’s appreciating the beauty that God has given all around us and thanking Him for it. It’s worship. It’s what He made us for in the first place.

And this week I’ve become convinced that when we take this appreciation of beauty one step further and desire to experience it so much that we actually seek after things to make beautiful, we’ve partnered with God as the ones who have been made in His image. We’ve been made in the image of THE Creator, so of course we would want to take nothing and make it into something lovely. We are the created becoming the creator.

So is it that unreasonable to think that when I’m making a pretty little handmade card (that someone else will thoughtfully choose for a specific person, write a cheerful message inside of, then give it to that person who will read it, feel special, and smile!) that I’m stepping up into a moment of being closer to the heart of my God? Doesn’t the same thing happen when someone plays a beautiful piece of music, or paints a breathtaking picture, or pens a striking piece of writing,  or designs a thought-provoking graphic for a web site, or uses their hands to build something new, or plants a garden, or puts together the exact combination of ingredients to make a delicious food, or even when we tidy up our home and make it welcoming for guests? Beauty happens.

Much like the virtue of truth, beauty only comes from one place. It is a gift that has been created by God, and given to us to spread around. When we make something lovely out of nothing, God has allowed us to momentarily carry out some of His best work…creation.

Maybe this all sounds too flowery to you, and you’re rolling your eyes thinking I need to get back on a schedule and get back to business. There’s a time for all that too, I agree. But for now, I’m perfectly content to spend some time creating alongside my Creator.

How about you? Why not go ask him what He’d like to create with you today?

In Christ Alone

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All day yesterday I was listening to the song In Christ Alone, which rocks me pretty much every time I hear it. I can hardly listen to the whole thing without joyful tears streaming down my face at some point. With every line of lyrics I seemed to have a reel of commentary playing through my mind in a sort of beautiful disbelief.

In Christ alone my hope is found, I don’t need anything else to hope in! Not my own abilities, not the promise of bigger or better anything…just Christ

He is my light, my strength, my song; When I do anything without him, it’s a failure. I stumble all over the place like I’m in the dark. Anything I do well comes from the strength he gives

this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,

firm through the fiercest drought and storm. There’s nothing I have been through where he has failed me. He’s brought me through some of the most stressful situations, and although I seem to flail all over the place when I’m faced with the littlest bump in the road, he never moves. He is never, ever shaken by my circumstances

What heights of love, what depths of peace,

when fears are stilled, when strivings cease! I have never felt so loved and so at peace, even when everything around me seems to be madness. Even when I am scared about my son’s future, or when I feel like I can’t do anything right, he gives me peace about it. I don’t have to fix everything or anything!

My Comforter, my All in All,

here in the love of Christ I stand. Even though I have many people in my life who love me and offer me encouragement through everything, he is ultimately the one who gives me everything. If I were to be without anyone else, he would be there with me
In Christ alone! who took on flesh

Fulness of God in helpless babe! God became one of us when he allowed his son to be limited in human form. It’s the mystery of Jesus being fully divine and fully human at the same time

This gift of love and righteousness

Scorned by the ones he came to save: I wonder how I would have responded to Jesus had I lived at the time he walked the earth. Would I have been one of those people who thought he was a heretic or a madman? Would I have spit on him, thrown things at him, joined in mocking him?

Till on that cross as Jesus died,

The wrath of God was satisfied – This is the place where God’s justice and mercy come together perfectly. His holiness required justice and His love required mercy. He was the only  one who could provide a solution to both parts of that puzzle

For every sin on Him was laid;

Here in the death of Christ I live. Everything I ever did, am doing, and will do that is an offense to God’s holiness has already been paid for because of what Jesus did for me. Because of Christ taking on my debt, I no longer owe anything. I can live

There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain:

Then bursting forth in glorious Day

Up from the grave he rose again! Some people say they believe that Jesus was God’s son and that he died on the cross, but not that he was resurrected. What good is it for God to have a son he sends to earth if he’s just like any of us? What good is any of this if the resurrection was not true? What good is someone claiming to be the messiah if they died like everyone else? That would just prove Jesus to be the liar that many believed him to be. But he did not stay dead…he was alive again and now he lives inside each of us who follow him

And as He stands in victory

Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me, Because of his resurrection, I no longer have to live as the same person I once was. The sins in my life no longer define me. I am a new creation. The old things have gone and the new things have come

For I am His and He is mine –

Bought with the precious blood of Christ. This one is maybe the hardest to believe. When I think about how God loves the world and all the people in it, it is easy to believe because I am speaking in general terms. But when I think of God trading his son’s life for mine so he could purchase me back from my slavery… to think that I was that important to him and he loved me that much…that’s so much harder for me to grasp. He loves ME that much. He loves YOU that much
No guilt in life, no fear in death,

This is the power of Christ in me;

From life’s first cry to final breath.

Jesus commands my destiny. I do not have to feel guilty or condemn myself any longer for the poor choices I have made. I give them to him and he creates something good and lovely from that mess I had made. He works it together for good. I do not have to fear death, no matter how or when it comes, because he is on the other side of it. He is what awaits me at the end of my life, so either way I win. He commands my time here on earth and the end of it.

No power of hell, no scheme of man,

Can ever pluck me from His hand;

Till He returns or calls me home,

Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand. There is no scheme or trick that anyone or anything can use against me to try to tell me that I do not belong to God. There is nothing in this world that will become more important to me, no matter how many people tell me that it is. Nothing I even do to mess up will keep me from the love of Christ. It is so wide and deep and high that I am covered no matter what. He holds tight to me even when I loosen my grip on him. He has lavished such a love upon me that I am called his daughter and that cannot be taken away, even by me.

Even when my focus gets blurry, I know where my hope is and always will be found.

 

India Chronicles: Pre-apology

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I suppose I’ve made you good people wait long enough for the story of India. I have sat down to write about it many times but have just been too distracted or too grumpy or too something-or-other to get it all out.  I wasn’t really sure what was keeping me from telling the details of what I experienced while I was there. But one of my fellow India team members said something the other day that made me realize that I’m having a hard time not taking my feelings on everyone around me. You know, all of the fine folks who are interested in hearing about the trip, but who aren’t able to feel exactly the same things I’m feeling. All my friends and family who really want to see the pictures but who can’t really grasp the whole view, through no fault of their own. Today I spoke with a lady at church who has been on several mission trips internationally and she said that when people ask how your trip was, they don’t really want to know the whole story. All they really want to hear is a couple of highlights, so just think of a couple of things you want to say, and give them that. Well, I am a girl of many words (probably an understatement) so that is really difficult for me to do. And I’m not entirely sure that people don’t want to hear the whole story, but I am pretty sure they don’t want me to expect them to understand the full-on impact and feel the magnitude of the thing the same way I do. I’m pretty darn sure no one wants that heavy load being dumped on them by someone who is still wide-eyed from being in the middle of the stuff. So please forgive me if I’ve already done that to you. I truly didn’t mean to in any way make you feel overwhelmed or depressed or bewildered or bummed or guilty or burdened in a bad way.

I do want to share the details of what I saw and felt. I do want your heart to ache for the children and broken people there, but I can’t expect you to feel exactly the same as I do and then be all salty when you go out and buy another new X-Box instead of sponsoring a child to get them off the street.

Well…

No, seriously…I can’t. And I won’t. Well, I’ll try not to. Or at least I promise that I’ll commit to trying to rip the plank out of my own eye before going after that little speck I think I may have seen in yours. So with that disclaimer in place, I’ll try to tell you the story of India in bite-sized chunks, and hope you don’t hate me a little bit later. Deal?

Okay then.

How Do You Know?

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A couple of weeks ago I was at an evening service at church, which is a rare thing since we don’t have one of those churches that has a Sunday morning & evening service and another on Wednesday. Nothing against any place that does, but we’re just not like that. When we have some large gathering any other time than Sunday morning, you know there’s something special going on, as was the case on this particular night.

Our pastor has recently returned from his first ever sabbatical (in 30 years! He was wayyyy overdue, I’d say!) and we as a fellowship are now reaping great rewards from that concentrated time he spent with God. We’ve been having some Sunday night “overflow” services, which is exactly what they are…a chance to get more of what we’d never have time for in our regular weekly meetings. So there we all were, drinking in all the challenge and inspiration that we could, and the discussion turned to making a list of the ways we know we’ve been changed since we met Jesus. I’m not even sure if that was the actual “title” of the list, if there had been one, but that was the way it was manifesting itself. So many people shared the evidence they have in their lives. Some said they remembered chasing after things so badly like success, wealth, prestige, etc… and that those things mean very little if anything to them now. One person mentioned that they were formerly dead and now they have life. Now, to some that can sound like a cliché, especially if you have some familiarity with the bible enough to know where those words come from in scripture, but truly it is an understatement. Others mentioned how they see people through God’s eyes rather than just looking on the outside now. There were many, many other comments presented as evidence too, and I wish I could remember them all.

But I do  remember the thing that wasn’t on the list. The very first thing I thought of when challenged with the whole how do you know? question. I was going to share it but there were so many folks offering thoughts and our time together just never seems to be enough. So I’m sharing it now. How do I know? How do I know that Jesus is real and that I’ve been given a new Spirit to live by? How to I know I’ve had an encounter with the God who is real and has invited me into the grand story that He has always and forever been writing?

I know because now, I notice.

Thought I was gearing up for some big profound kinda business, there, didn’t ya?

Well, that’s really, truly it. I know that Jesus lives in me because ever since I turned my face toward Him, I notice things now. Endless multitudes of things.

I notice things about this world.  I see all of creation as not just interesting accidents that make you go hmmm…. but as unique, artistic expressions of the most brilliant creative Mind that has ever been. I notice the fuzziness of a bumblebee, the swirl of a fingerprint, (really, we all get our own original?!) the never-ending variety of shapes and textures and depths I see in clouds on a daily basis. I notice the blending of colors in the abundant fall leaves all around me… watercolors only wish they could replicate it. I notice that there are zillions of species of birds and fish and bugs, even ones we haven’t discovered yet. Some that are microscopic and some that are enormous. I notice the things that seem perplexingly strange to me, like pitcher plants that digest insects, and patterns like the Fibonacci sequence that seem appear in everything from pine cones to plants to people.  There’s an amazing concert of creation playing out all around me, all of it with a specific purpose. I breathe more deeply now, and I notice these things.

But most of all, I notice the people who are God’s creation. His masterpieces. I notice their faces, which are just storefronts to who and what they really are. I notice the incredible diversity in their hair, their skin, their hands, their voices. I notice how amazingly different we all are from one another, but how strikingly the same we can be. I notice the variations in our laughter….deep bellowing chuckles to shrill soprano snorts. I notice the thick eyelashes of my young students as I watch their eyes move across the page they they read, and I wonder who they will become someday. And the eyes…everyone’s eyes! How large and round or small and slanted they are….and more importantly, how they can light up in anticipation and can dart toward the ground in shame. I notice how they weep in hurt and disappointment, how they close slowly with a soft sigh of relief. I notice how everyone’s eyes are searching for the exact same thing….for something beautiful to fill them…for Someone beautiful to capture them. I notice how my own eyes have a light in them I never had before I met Jesus, and how nothing else even comes close to putting that same light there.

I notice other things about myself too, like how  I am a part of this lovely creation, which means I was created for a purpose too. I notice that I’ve been given things, like the ability to encourage people, and that is an incredible privilege and a scary responsibility. I notice that I don’t always carry that responsibility out well. I notice that I am at my best when I am loving freely and allowing myself to be loved fully, and that it really does work like that. I notice that the harder I clench my fist to hold onto something, the less able I am to grasp anything else that may come my way. I notice that although I stammer and stutter my way through this life, it matters. My life matters, as does the life of every single other person around me, whether I like them/approve of them/extend love to them or not. I notice that my joy increases as I do extend love and it  decreases substantially when I hold it back selfishly.  I notice that things like compulsive shopping and worrying and lying and manipulating used to be regular parts of my life and that, because of Jesus shining that light through me, they really aren’t so much anymore. I notice that the more things I throw off that don’t matter, the more I can see that only one thing really does.

I notice that I actually care how I make other people feel now. (Maybe I should have started there. That right there says enough about how much I’ve been changed. I coulda saved about a thousand words!)

I notice that I don’t really have to look that far to see Jesus all around me….all around you. He’s always here. He’s always going to be here, and as long as we live, we have the chance to notice Him too.

Hey you, fix YOUR economy

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So, did that stimulus check fix all of your financial problems? Really, it didn’t?

How about Cash for Clunkers? That was a good one, right? Your whole world was changed because of that amazing, freeing financial idea wasn’t it? No???

Yeah, I didn’t really think so.

See, the truth is, Uncle Sam is not wearing bright shining armor, and he’s not riding in on a white horse to save you from your financial dilemma. If you can’t already tell that our government is not particularly adept at managing its own finances, let alone sitting down at our kitchen table with us to help out when it’s pay-the-bills night, you haven’t paid much attention to things.

But anyone can change. You can start paying attention. Not so much to CNN and the doom-and- gloom that it broadcasts about how awful things are getting and how the whole government is going to collapse if so-and-so doesn’t get off his pompous [fill-in-name-of-hated-political-party-here] butt and sign the newest quick-fix piece of paper that will allow the truly patriotic [fill-in-name-of-beloved-political-party-here]s to fix all the financial problems of the universe. That’s not what I think you should be paying more attention to.

Instead, I think all of us should turn that pointed finger around and look at ourselves. Look at your own financial sitation. Have you, like the government, overextended yourself? Have you, like the government, given into pressures of every voice under the sun spewing in your ears about what it wants, so you’ve said yes to spending on everything? What are those voices telling you to spend all you make and buy all you want,anyway? Is it your spouse? Your kids? Your workplace party-planning-committee? Is it that little brat who lives inside you and shares your name who is always hollering “but I want it!!!”

But, you say, I’m not really an overspender…I’m just the victim of bad circumstances. I got laid off and I can’t find work. I got hurt and I’m waiting for my disability check. I got tricked into a bad mortgage and I lost my house. I hate my job so I quit because I wanted to be true to myself but now I can’t find another one.

I get it. There are some crappy situations out there. Some really, really crappy ones. I am not saying that everything will be perfect tomorrow. All I’m saying is: stop expecting someone else to fix things, stop wallowing in self-pity and hopelessness, and start doing something. DO SOMETHING.

Start with these two things: Do what you can. Do better with what you have.

Do what you can. If you got hurt on the job and can’t chuck boxes anymore, I understand. Do what you can. Maybe you can sit and take orders over the phone. Got laid off and have kids to feed? I understand. You might be depressed and have lost all hope because you can’t find a great job as a computer guru right now like the one you had. That is depressing, I understand. But you have kids to feed, so you can chuck boxes in a warehouse instead. Oh, that’s not enough money? Well then maybe you chuck boxes and deliver pizzas too, until things get better. Like to stay home with your kids, but your husband’s business isn’t doing well and things are getting tight? I get it. Do what you can. Get creative…trade childcare with someone a few days a week while you launch an at-home business or you wrangle up carts or stock shelves or whatever for a while. Do what you can to make things better.

Do better with what you have. Maybe you have a good job already and you’re fine and able to pay your bills right now and spend whatever you want. Good for you. I bet that’s what a lot of people thought a few years ago who are now out of a job. Do better with what you have so that if things change in the future (and what’s the likelihood that will happen, right!?) you’ll be better prepared. Make a budget so you have a clue. (Oh, stop whining…it’s a freakin’ budget, not a straight-jacket) Don’t spend every dime you make. Plan for emergencies by putting back money for them because they will happen. If you’re a stay-at-home mom and your husband does all the financial stuff, help ease the stress by becoming a home economist. Figure out ways to make things go further by clipping coupons, bulk shopping with a friend, sharing meal prep with another family, freezing leftovers…whatever. Just do better with what you have.

All of us have to deal with the lovely mess the government is getting us into, and if not, our grandchildren sure will. But we don’t have to add to it. We don’t have to throw up our hands and just say “oh well, the government’s out of control so why bother…I’ll  just do whatever I want too.” 

Do what you can, and do better with what you have right now.

One thing I can do is to help other people get started in doing better with what they have. Years ago I learned the revolutionary ways to get financially fit… wanna hear the secrets?

Well too bad, there aren’t any dang secrets. It’s just common sense stuff. Spend less than you make. Quit borrowing money. Pay back the money you already borrowed. Save some money. Get it? Common sense stuff. And I can teach you the steps to take to put that common sense into action with your finances. No scam, no get rich quick junk, and no I’m not making money at it. Just learning the same way I did, and applying what you learned with diligence will do the job. It works. So if any of you reading this need help getting started, let me know. Really. I will help you. I coach people all the time who need help making a budget or paying off debt or whatever. I can help you too, even if you live somewhere far away. You can read, can’t you? Well then I can recommend what to read to get started and I can coach you from anywhere. Seriously.

That is how this economy will get fixed…that is how we will fight off all the doom and gloom. We’ll do what we can and do better with what we have. We’ll help each other one person at a time. Then that person can help another person. Then they can help one more…are you getting the picture here?

The government isn’t going to save you from your crappy financial situation. YOU are the only one who can change YOUR situation. So…get started already. One little step leads to another…do something today to fix your own economy.  

 

Still Listening…

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If you’ve never read The Color Purple by Alice Walker, please go get it ASAP. It’s one of those read-before-you-die kind of books. Here is an excerpt from the book… it’s a conversation about God between two women, Shug and Celie:

Listen, God love everything you love – and a mess of stuff you don’t.  But more than anything else, God love admiration.

 You saying God vain?  I ast.

Naw, she say.  Not vain, just wanting to share a good thing.  I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don’t notice it.

 What it do when it pissed off?  I ast.

Oh, it make something else.  People think pleasing God is all God care about.  But any fool living in the world can see it always trying to please us back.

 Yeah?  I say.

Yeah, she say.  It always making little surprises and springing them on us when us least expect.

You mean it want to be loved, just like the bible say.

 Yes, Celie, she say.  Everything want to be loved.  Us sing and dance, make faces and give flower bouquets trying to be loved.  You ever notice that trees do everything to git attention we do, except walk?

 Well, us talk and talk about God, but I’m still adrift.  Trying to chase that old white man out of my head.  I been so busy thinking bout him I never truly notice nothing God make.  Not a blade of corn (how it do that?) not the color purple (where it come from?).  Not the little wild flowers.  Nothing.

Now that my eyes opening, I feels like a fool.

This is one of my first memories of myself thinking about God. I mean really thinking about Him. I had to read this book for a class. I was only a teenager.  I wasn’t even close to being a believer of any flavor, let alone a born-again Christian. I just remember the moment I read this, then read it again, and then over and over, I realized for the first time that God might be something (or someone) I had never dreamed of before. He might be more than “White Jesus” (this is the name I unaffectionately use to refer to the fake presentation we see mostly in those awful paintings with a glowing fishbowl around the head of a stark-white, blue-eyed, cojone-less sort of saintly figure who doesn’t really possess any power other than to make others feel guilty for not being as saintly or as white. Capisce?)

I briefly allowed myself to wonder, could there be more to this God thing?

Right after that I probably went about my everyday business of partying or whatever mess I used to get into back in those days. I didn’t have some big, light-shining-down moment that changed me forever. My journey was and continues to be much, much more subtle, but I’m convinced that it started way back then. It started when I first thought of God as more than a “He” and more than a keeper of cosmic scorecards, of which mine was dramatically marked up with a lot of red X-es. I began to see the idea of what might just be God as more than just something you experience when or if you go to church.

I’ve always been a lover of nature…not one of those going camping every weekend types…but almost childlike in my love, awe, and appreciation for all things around me that happen and exist naturally; a buzzing honeybee, the foam created from the ocean kissing the sand, the delicate veins in a perfectly symmetrical maple leaf, and…clouds! Oh how I loved (and still love) looking at clouds! I just figured I was a person who enjoyed things like that, I never thought anything else about it. But over many years I have come to realize that these things…these moments when I notice the small things around me that have been created by God, I know they are the artwork of the One who loves me and wants to delight me with His creation.

Could it really be…God is mad about me, not mad at me? It almost seems scandalous. The Creator of all the universe, the One who breathed and spoke everything into existence, loves me and is trying to get my full attention on a daily basis?! It’s true, my friends…and it’s certainly not just true for me, but for every one of the 6+billion people on this planet, all created in His image.

“…God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.” -Romans 5:8

“So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”                    -Romans 8:1

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8:38-39

Like I said, I never had this big, monumental sign that God was real and He loved me. It happened in a thousand small moments that accumulated into me finally admitting that I couldn’t ignore the clues anymore…I couldn’t push away the fact that I was starting to see all the loosely bound connections firming up into definite pathways. I was no longer interested in chasing after all the various things I had been, none of which ever resulted in giving me peace. I came to a place where I was pretty sure I was ready to surrender myself to something that was way more vast, way more good than I’d ever dreamed. Then I heard this song by a band that called themselves a Christian rock band, which I’d never even heard of before. “Christian” music that I actually enjoy listening to? Whaaaaatttt??

I looked for you in
The fire and the wind
But you weren’t there as far as I could see

I thought I’d hear you shout
But then I figured it out
That all along you’re whispering to me

And I’m still listening…

That was me. I knew it was. I knew that while I had been busy looking for “it” all over the place, searching for some huge moment in my life that would define me and validate me and encourage me and strengthen me and show me what life was really about, all along I had missed the hints and whispers of what was right in front of me. I knew that this band, these singers who were followers of Jesus, were talking about looking for and finding God. I felt a little like Celie in The Color Purple.

“Now that my eyes opening, I feels like a fool.”

But that foolish feeling quickly turned into a peaceful rest that I’ve really known ever since. Not perfectly, not without wrinkles and tears in the pages of my life since it all began for me. But a peacefulness that keeps my eyes willingly wide-open to these things, so I can share them with others and point out the whispers that are around them so they don’t miss the good stuff that God is trying to catch their attention with. But just in case they do miss it, and in the not-totally-unlikely event that I also miss it, I take comfort in knowing that God (as Alice Walker so simply put it) will just make something else to catch our attention.

Only 100,800 Heartbeats to Spend Today…

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Wow. Just read a comment this article by Dan Miller, author of 48 Days To the Work You Love  about living your best life now. The person leaving the comment suggested focusing on “Heartbeat Management” instead of “Time Management” to improve your quality of life.

“Heartbeat Management??” Uhhhh… what??

 

 

He goes on to say that Heartbeat Management is a new way of thinking: measuring your day in heartbeats instead of minutes to show just how valuable each second really is. He says that the average # of heartbeats in a day is about 100,800.

 The commenter said:

“So, out of the roughly 100,800 heartbeats that will expire today, how many of my heartbeats will I give to my children? How many will I give to my spouse? How many will I give to a job that doesn’t align with my purpose? How many will I give to television? How many will I give to worry? How many heartbeats will I let slip through my fingers with idle time? How many heartbeats will I give to myself?”

Whoa. My heartbeats are expiring as I’m sitting here writing this. How have I spent them so far today? I spent some brushing my teeth and getting dressed. (not really optional!) I spent some making a quick breakfast for my incredible husband and then about three heartbeats kissing him goodbye as he left for work (hmm…does it still count as three since my heart skipped a beat during that kiss?) Then I spent some of them watering and fixing up the garden. I spent several of them baking vegan cupcakes and granola bars. I spent some of them reading the article I’m referencing right now. I spent a few of them getting the mail. I spent some checking email and Facebook (why, exactly!?) and a few more texting back and forth with some friends. I spent a few of them downloading an app to my iPhone.

Have I spent any of today’s heartbeats very well so far? *squirm*

On my to-do list in front of me, it says I need to spend some of the ones I’m not even 100% guaranteed to get later today on buying tickets, making phone calls to my insurance company, (kill me now)  jogging,  and mowing the grass. Later tonight, if I get to live out the rest of this day, I’ll spend a good chunk of my heartbeats hanging out with some friends celebrating a birthday. Those will be worth it.

Right now I’m spending some of my finite heartbeats on writing this so hopefully some other folks can start thinking of their moments as heartbeats too. Understanding that as each one pounds, it’s another one we will never get back. Like the one that just thumped in my chest. It’s gone. Yep, there goes another one…never to be replaced. And another one. And another…

Suddenly I feel like I have better things to do.

Are You SURE You Want My Advice?

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If there’s one piece of scripture I know well, it would be Jesus’s words in Matthew 18:15-17:

“If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back. But if you are unsuccessful, take one or two others with you and go back again, so that everything you say may be confirmed by two or three witnesses. If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won’t accept the church’s decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.”

My husband always says that I have a sign on my forehead that is invisible to me, but that is apparently a bright neon sign to everyone else, and it says “Free Counselor.” We joke about this because throughout my whole life, even when I was fairly young, people would just for some reason pour out their problems to me. They would tell me things about themselves that were very personal even if I had only known them for a short time. Many times they would ask my advice about a situation which almost always seemed to have something to do with a relationship problem they were having. This still happens on a regular basis today.

Early on in my life, I used to get annoyed by this, thinking why is this person telling me all this stuff? How am I supposed to know what to do? Since I’ve become a follower of Christ, I’ve come to understand and appreciate that this is part of my distinct make-up…I’ve learned that my primary spiritual gift seems to be exhortation, better known as the gift of encouragement. Now this is nothing for me to boast about, and in fact I used to be very uncomfortable with any talk of my spiritual gifts simply because it sounded a little snotty to me… like I’m bragging about something I’ve acquired. But I’m much more comfortable with my own identity in Christ these days, and I’ve come to really believe how God defines us through His apostle Paul:

“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” -Ephesians 2:10

I believe what God says about who I am. I know that He created me, and He made me to do good works, which He’s already prepared for me to do. It’s like I have my own personal “to-do” list written by the Creator of the universe, and no one else can check those things off except for me. But in order for me to accomplish this, I must live my life in a way that aligns with the things God says about me and the ways He’s shown me to live. Part of that means accepting, embracing and using my spiritual gifts in the way He wants me to. So, I do what I can to learn His ways of how to encourage others, not because it’s fun (although sometimes it can be!) but because this is part of my DNA.

So, back to Matthew 18. What does this have to do with any of this encouragement stuff? Well, it’s very simple. Humans are made in and for relationships. When a relationship is broken, whether it’s because of something we have done, something another person has done, or just because of strange circumstances, our heart hurts. Our deepest desire is to have that relationship restored. And there’s great news…God has told us many things in His word on how to make that happen. The passage in Matthew 18:15-17 tells us how to deal with a brother or sister in Christ who has sinned. Many times this may be against us directly, other times it may be that we’ve noticed a sin pattern growing in their lives that is going unchecked. Either way, there is a 3-step process involved in confronting them, and no… it doesn’t involve airing their dirty laundry on Facebook. Many times friends or acquaintances will come to me asking advice with this exact kind of situation. Someone has done something to them that is offensive. Someone has lied to them and they’ve found out. Their spouse is doing something inappropriate. My advice to them will always be exactly the same. I wouldn’t be encouraging them properly by doing anything but going back to God’s word.

Look back at the first part of that passage in Matthew 18 with me: “If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.” Did you see that? Go privately to that person. Is that what we usually do? I don’t know about you, but when someone offends me, the first thing I want to do is call up another person who will sympathize with my sense of injustice and complain about it. For hours. But that is SO WRONG. No one should hear about the problem until you have addressed it with the person committing the offense. No one. Not your mom, your best friend, your sister, even your spouse. Go PRIVATELY to that person and talk to them. Is that so you can berate them about their sin and yell at them for how terrible they’ve been treating them? No. Look at the rest of that first step: “If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.” See it? The goal is to win that person back. To restore that relationship back to where it was. Another translation says “…you have your brother back again.” Isn’t that awesome? The goal is to point out the offense so that the person may be reconciled, not only to you, but to God. Because if we recognize our sin and confess it, the bible tells us that “he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) That’s great news! So by obeying this first step in the process, we could actually win over our brother or sister, and not only allow our relationship to be restored, but also to clear a pathway for them to confess the sin and be reconciled to God, which is of course the most important thing. If that doesn’t work, and the person refuses to recognize the sin or doesn’t take you seriously, then the next step is to confide in another trusted brother or sister (one or two others–not the entire universe!) and have them go with you to the person again. Perhaps once the offender sees that other people know of the situation and agree that there is a problem, this will help them see the light and lead to reconciliation. If the person still will not listen to reason, then it may be time to “take them before the church.” Now there are different beliefs about this, but I think this would mean talking to a pastor or elder of the church to explain the situation and likely even setting up a meeting between you, the offender, and a church leader to discuss the situation all together. Since my husband is an elder in our church, there have been occasions when I have been involved in these conversations at that level. Yes, they are uncomfortable. Yes, they can get frustrating for all parties involved. But I always go back to the fact that if I believe one part of God’s word, such as what He says about me being His workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works that He’s prepared for me to do, then I have to also believe His word when He tells me how to deal with situations in my life, even if the process is uncomfortable. I can’t just pick and choose the warm-fuzzy-feeling stuff that Jesus tells us and not also accept His more difficult teachings.

So, if you’re one of those folks who can mysteriously see that invisible sign on my forehead that says “Free Counselor,” or you just happen to bring it up in conversation, my response to you will be the same when you ask my advice on how to deal with someone who’s sinned or hurt you. I will go back to what Jesus said to do in Matthew 18. I will tell you to do something that you might feel is uncomfortable. I won’t care if you feel uncomfortable because you have to do the things Jesus tells us to do if you are one of His followers…no ifs, ands, or buts. I will likely tell you to read through that passage several times. I might even suggest you read through it in several translations until you’re sure you have a full understanding of what it means. I will tell you to follow the steps in order. I will tell you if you’ve skipped a step. I will tell you to go back to the beginning if you’ve skipped a step. I’ll ask you not to speak to me (or anyone else) again about it until you’ve at least done step #1. You might take me off your Christmas list because I didn’t give you the answer or easy fix you wanted. And I will not enjoy that because I truly do love presents. But even so, I can’t direct you with poor advice. With non-biblical advice. With advice that will lead you into destroying a relationship rather than restoring it. I will tell you that if you refuse to follow these steps to deal with the situation, you are in yourself committing a sin (refusing to do what God says) and making things worse. But I will also pray for you and for the relationship you’re trying to restore.

If you ever come to me to ask my advice about how to deal with someone who has sinned or hurt you, and I don’t lead you to Matthew 18… you do have my permission to call me out on it. Please. You’re not doing me any favors if you don’t.

Thinking Outside the Toilet

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So yesterday I was plunging the toilet in one of my bathrooms (don’t judge me, it just needs done sometimes!) and I was thinking to myself:  plunging a toilet is the most disgusting thing in the world. I can’t believe I am even doing this. You would think by now that someone could invent a toilet that wouldn’t have this problem. What about that Dyson guy? He’s a genius. I mean, if he can invent a supersonic suction vacuum cleaner and a fan with no blades, surely the dude can make a toilet that won’t need me to do the sick deed of plunging it. I mean REALLY!!!

It was so dramatic in my head. The princess inside of me was screaming. But immediately after that thought, I heard “um, shut up…you have a toilet.” Now I am not claiming to have audibly heard this, but I think there are things you hear inside of yourself and things you can audibly hear outside of yourself and neither of them is any less real than the other.  Right away I was overwhelmed, as I finished the “all clear” brush & flush, by the fact that I don’t have to navigate a deeply dug hole with flies and the stench of human waste and Lord knows what else looming around as I do my business. And better yet, I don’t have a shallow “nose-powdering” ditch in my yard that is accessible to the whole community and creates a stream of sickness that neighborhood children have to try to step over when they walk through the streets. I don’t have to deal with any of those things. I just have to plunge a toilet once in a million years. SHUT UP.

So, that was what I called my cosmic bitch-slap for the day. It might sound crude, but don’t people need a big ol’ bitch-slap once in a while to calm them down and snap them back into reality? I apparently do. It’s those little moments in my life where I’m just feeling all sorry for myself until God breaks into my comfy little space and says REALLY, girl?!? (yes, that’s how He talks to me…if you don’t like it, get your own God-voice that sounds like Ned Flanders or something… but I hear a little ghetto in my God speak, okay?) He reminds me of just how good I have it and how instead of whining and complaining about my tiny, minute discomforts, I need to be thankful for the amazing level of comfort and convenience I enjoy on a daily basis.

So thank you, God, for incredible people who invent incredible things like the Dyson no-blade fan and cars and clean running water systems and of course, the flushable toilet. I have no idea how blessed I really am, even if I only count the things that I see as modern necessities (and if I’m honest, I count them as modern-day rights.) Show your love to those people everywhere who haven’t even heard of all of these conveniences, and are happy just to love you even without comfort and convenience. I pray you’ll send me a cosmic bitch-slap anytime I need one so I can become more like them.  I love you.

Pain, Joy, and Thankfulness on Mother’s Day

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Yesterday my husband had been texting back and forth with our pastor, who also happens to be a good friend. They had just returned from a trip but flew home on different days so he was checking in with us to make sure Todd had landed safely and such. I was teasing him about texting while driving (don’t worry people, it was mostly in between much more dangerous moves) and he said “I’m just going to let him know that we won’t be at church on Sunday then I’ll be finished.” Why wouldn’t we be at church on Sunday? Then he reminded me that it was Mother’s Day, which I (and by extension, we) have dreaded for several years now. I’ve pretty much avoided being anywhere that might include a big to-do about being a mom, because you see…although I do not have any children myself, I actually am a mother. And that makes Mother’s Day confusing, sometimes offensive, and always a somewhat painful.

One reason that I’ve dreaded the M Day for many years is because of something I very unfortunately share with millions of other women across the nation: I am a mother who never gave her child a chance at life. Yes, that ugly thing you’re thinking about is true: abortion. As much as it pains me to admit, I have experienced the crushing pain of knowing that my child’s life was taken before it really began, and the even more excruciating reality that it was my own selfishness that took it. For years I could barely even think about it, much less speak or write about it. But God has done some amazing healing work in my life and has shown me that if I am willing, He will take even the ugliest parts of my messed-up life and will use them to gain glory for His name. I now know that it was not for my own sanity that He has led me to an incredible place of knowing what His mercy really means —mercy, MERCY! to someone who participated in taking her own child’s life — but so that I can remember the mercy I have been shown and be able to show it to others in the worst of circumstances.

Another reason why I have never cared for Mother’s Day is that I am a stepmom, which for some reason seems to be a more terrible thing than being an axe-murderer. When I was married, my life didn’t just change by becoming the wife of a man who was full of integrity and honor, but it changed because I also instantly became a mother to an adorable young boy. I love that boy as much as I love my husband. He accepted me into the family so easily that it was almost surreal, and we became very close almost immediately. Yes, I know what some of you are thinking…well, that just means your a step-mom, not a real mom. And you would be part of the reason I’ve always stayed home from church on Mother’s Day. I actually had a woman stand in the church lobby once, telling me a story and said something to the effect of “well, I know you’re not a mom, but…” I interrupted her and reminded her that I in fact was one, to which she replied “well, I know, but I meant you’re not a real mom.” I suffered through the rest of her story then went into the bathroom and cried. It has been said that stepmothers have all of the work, sacrifice, and commitment that a biological mother has, but none of the benefits or reward. I think in many cases that is probably true. I remember a few times when my son (no, I don’t call him my step-son) said something to the effect that I was more of a mom to him than his actual mom was. I know that in our family’s case, because of her choices, that is very true. But in all families that is not the case. Most of the time a stepmother is not an evil wench who can’t wait to have her “own kids” to somehow out-do the competition, but rather another loving mother who wants to help raise wonderful children, no matter where they biologically came from. If you are a stepmother and you treat any of the children under your care any worse or better than others, then shame on you. You are not fulfilling the obligation that you signed up for when you made your wedding vows, knowing full well that all of those words also applied to the daughters and sons you inherited through marriage. I don’t care what anyone says about me, I know that I am a mother. I love my son (even though he is far from being a little boy anymore) and would give my life for him. If that’s not a mother, I don’t know what is.

Not a real mom. You don’t have kids so you wouldn’t understand. It’s not like you have your own kids. These are some of the things people, mostly other women, have said to me verbatim. Many times it has been people in my own family who know about my past, know that my grown son is now a prodigal in the most complete sense of the word, and know that we will not be having any more children. And they say these things anyway. It used to bother me, eat at me, drive me to tears and anger. Now, I am much closer to God than I ever was and because I realize His plan for me, these ignorant comments are easily deflected, even when I know they were purposely meant to hurt my feelings. (Yes, people unfortunately are that cruel.) Because just like Joseph, what was meant for evil in my life, God has turned to GOOD. Now, not only do I not live in shame and fear that someone will find out about my past, I willingly share it to help others in the same situation. I lead others through a recovery group for post-abortive women, to help them work through the overwhelming amount of contradicting feelings they have once they realize the gravity of their choice. I’m healed, they can see it is possible,  and they begin to heal. Now, even though my husband and I will not be having any more children, it is not something that I feel is a lost opportunity. Rather, God has brought me to an incredible place where I understand that being a mother has a much, much larger definition than I ever dreamed it could. He guided me to Isaiah 54 years ago where I saw that He had even bigger plans for me…

“Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby.
   Fill the air with song, you who’ve never experienced childbirth!
You’re ending up with far more children
   than all those childbearing women.” God says so!
“Clear lots of ground for your tents!
   Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big!
Use plenty of rope,
   drive the tent pegs deep.
You’re going to need lots of elbow room
   for your growing family.   -Isaiah 54: 1-6, The Message

I am a teacher and I literally get the chance to mother hundreds of children, many of which do not necessarily have a Godly mother to teach them at home. The joy I get from that is incredible, and at the end of the day when I finally make it home, I now understand why my energy has been completely spent on my kids at school, and that’s how it is supposed to be for me. Thank you, God for allowing me to appreciate that now and never feel like anything is missing.

So today, I am excited to greet my friends with a “Happy Mother’s Day.” I don’t have to avoid anything or stay home depressed or keep from being joyful for those who have always enjoyed this day without exception. I will smile and truly be happy for them and for myself on this day. I am no longer thinking of the loss and the shame and the bitterness that once surrounded this day. God has made all things new, as He always does. I appreciate the incredible mothers, young and old, that I have around me who come in all shapes, sizes, and types. And I’m thankful to count myself among them because I know that God has allowed me to be a mother, even if it looks a little different than most. I’m thankful that my little girl is with Him, and He is caring for her the way I never could, but that I will have the chance to see her someday. I am thankful that God’s arm is still not too short to save my prodigal son and bring him back someday. I am thankful that, as painful as it is, my husband and I are standing together to wait until our son understands that all he has been searching for is the same thing we all search for…God’s love. I am thankful that this day, I will be focused on the Good that God has promised me, in any way that it comes.

“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”-Isaiah 43:18-19