this is how we do it

TEN Years. A whole decade. That really feels like something.

Seemed like a good time for reflection. We sat together and thought and talked, my man and I. What’s been our best? What are we looking forward to in our next ten?

It was super hard to narrow down one specific moment or event that we thought was our very best. We both agreed that our best thing wasn’t a thing at all. The favorite part for both of us has been that feeling we have that we’ve just always been. There’s kind of an air of timelessness to our thing, a bit hard to describe. Like we just got together and we’ve always been together all at once. Crazy and cool.

Do we have the perfect marriage? I would definitely say so.

As long as you define “perfect marriage” like this:

perfect marriage

We recounted the unfolding of the last ten years of not giving up on each other. Not when an emotional affair was confessed. Not when our personal sin junk was trying to take us down. Not when we were both working overtime to pay off over $100K.  Not when our families gave us zero support in any of our endeavors. Not when the whole pretty picture of a marriage and family started melting into something completely foreign. Not when our son was lying in ICU from a drug overdose. Never. Not ever. Not that we might not have thought about it, because sometimes it just seems a whole heck of a lot easier to give up. But we both decided to stick it out. Fighting back to back. In it together.

Sometimes people ask us how we do it. I guess just they’re asking how we do all this life together and still seem to enjoy each other so much.

I’d like to say it just kind of happens, but that’s just not true, friends.  It takes work. A lot of it. It’s a constant contest to out-love each other. To out-nice each other. To serve one another in love, when we feel like it and when we just plain don’t.

We talk a lot. About silly things, wondering things, deep things. We ask each other questions. We silently study each other, figuring out what the other loves and keeping that information tucked away to use in an onslaught of awesomeness at a later time. We try to fight fair when it happens. We spend lots of time together but also purposely spend time apart. We keep things hot. We have great friends who love us and whom we love greatly. We serve others together. Most of all, we love God together, however imperfectly.

This is how we do it. And this is the stuff we will keep doing for ten more years, then another ten, and hopefully ten more after that. Whatever we do, we will do it together, wrapped up in a cord made of three strands, not just two.

We will keep trying to out-love each other, and mess up a lot while we attempt it, of course. Here’s to our first ten years, and to every moment afterward.

rings

“Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.  If one person falls, the other can reach out and help. But someone who falls alone is in real trouble. Likewise, two people lying close together can keep each other warm. But how can one be warm alone? A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” -Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

“Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth, his offer would be utterly scorned.” -Song of Solomon 8:7

 

the best kind of debt-free

Thinking in crisp, clear thought today about the center of my life, who used to be despised, rejected, misunderstood, hated, and ridiculed by me on a daily basis. Thinking of how he gave up everything for me. How he suffered for me. How he died in my place.

Who do I love that much? For whom would I voluntarily be disgraced, spit upon, beaten, despised, ridiculed, tortured, even killed? Anyone? I can think of a few people who I love enough to throw myself in front of a bus without a moment’s hesitation if I thought it would save their life. Just a few. But would I do that for someone who hated me? Would I do that for someone who said I was an imbecile? Would I do that for someone who had disgraced me and everything I stood for? Very doubtful.

But that’s what He did. He paid the debt and offered new life. For me and for all of us.

ALL of us.

“Praise the One who paid my debt, and raised this life up from the dead.”

Cuh-razy cool week!

Wow. This week has been so crazy. So much going on, and even though I am sick today (achy, yucky sick) there’s so much to be thankful for.

Nerves were wracked a little bit after sharing part of my past for 30 Days of Story. Even so, I am thankful I did it. It was very obvious that it’s what God has me doing right now, sharing my story. Even the ugly parts (especially those!?) I’ve had several women tell me what a blessing it was to them to hear my struggle and how God has changed me because of it. It’s what our lives are for, I think…to take our stuff, no matter how crazy or unbelievable or wild it all may sound…and hold it up to the one who can reflect himself in it.

Thank you so much to all of you who were praying for me over the past couple of weeks while I wrote. It was every bit as hard as I thought it might be, but your prayers covered me well. After all of the stuff that happened this week, I finally got the story out and it was posted on Sarah’s blog yesterday. Terrifying and wonderful at the same time. Then, I woke up to this devotional in my email today. My God is the freakin’ coolest thing ever!!

Some other random, cool stuff:

  • My son will be twenty years old this week. He is nearly a year sober. THANK YOU, JESUS.
  • FancyFREE jewelry is goin’ legit… and getting a little makeover. Stay tuned for cool stuff coming up in 2013, when she will be known by her new name, Fancy Freedom Designs. Holla!!
  • Thankful for talented designers who let folks use their super cool fonts for not much moolah!
  • This weekend I get to hang with the fabulous Marla and get a little Christmas shopping out of the way. At the same time I get to support women around the globe who now have sustainable income for their families and communities. Can’t wait to see all the lovely stuff from Noonday Collection! (Strike that previous “Holla!!” and insert it here!!)
  • Saturday I get to sell my own creations at Christmas Shopping for a Cause! And I’ve already paid for my supplies so ALL the money I make that night can be donated directly to doma International!!

Okay, people…so I went a little link-happy. Gimme a break. Love me anyway. Peace & Freedom to you, and I hope you have yourself a cuh-razy cool week!

Redefining Our Good

I can hardly believe that I get to be among the women participating in 30 Days of Story at Sarah Farish’s blog. I have read some amazing stories of trial and triumph, all with God at the center of them, writing and rewriting the stories Himself.

I have to admit, this is very, very scary for me. Partially because I’m telling about some of the most messed-up times in my life. And partially because I sorta feel like I’m going through another mess right now. I haven’t felt worthy to be sharing my story. I’ve been hearing that voice again that says I’m nothing; no one wants to hear about my junk. Nothing I say can help anyone. I’m so screwed up, so how is anyone ever going to see God through me?

But that’s precisely why I think it’s important — no, imperative– that we share our stories. If we go through things and come out on the other side, then the whole thing is over. Great. But what did we learn from it? What could someone else learn? How might hearing how God brought us through our mess actually help someone else look at their circumstances differently?

That’s God’s recycling plan. He uses broken bits of our stories to piece together something beautiful. He’s rewritten my story and redefined my good so many times. It’s just what He does.

Here’s part of my story that I shared on Sarah’s blog, and a glimpse into how God has rewritten it.