Love in the best sense

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So for those of you who already know about this little cultivating character experiment, I’ve spent this past week focusing on the first fruit of the spirit, love. I’ve tried to make it the topic and focus of my prayer and study time. This type of selfless, putting-others-first kind of love certainly has a well-deserved place among the list of the fruits of the spirit, because it truly takes God’s spirit working in us to even accomplish it at all.

I have to say, after looking for evidence of this fruit in my own life, even after only a week, I’ve noticed a couple of pretty glaring things about myself:

1) I love loving people. No problem there. As long as its on my own terms and timetable. Loving those awesome people in my life who are genuinely great…no problemo. I’ll drop everything and make you a meal, drive you somewhere, or give you anything I have. It’s an all-out crazy love-fest for my amazing friends anytime, anywhere. But that chump driving the car in front of me on 71 who couldn’t care less if I make it to my appointment on time… Those people who demand a bug chunk of time out of my day so they can tell me about their problems, then don’t actually care about doing anything to change things….those people who don’t wash their hands after using the bathroom in a public place (gag)…and that dude at Dollar General who complained (very loudly) for 15 straight minutes yesterday, exclaiming over and over that he didn’t get how this “could be called a dollar store” because “everything in here is more than 1 dollar!” when Dollar Tree (where everything IS $1!) was within walking distance in the very same parking lot…??? Yeah, those people. I gotta say I’m a tad salty when it comes to them, not so much graciously loving. Sigh. I guess admitting there’s a problem is the first step to dealing with it, right-o?

2) I have an issue with score-keeping when it comes to loving others. I’ve noticed this happens in two ways. First, it occurs specifically with my spouse. My husband and I couldn’t be more opposite in the way we speak (and receive) love. My primary love language is affirming words, (words…no surprise there!) which means I need to hear how he feels about me and our relationship. Often. Like all the time. His love language is acts of service, which means I could tell him all day long how wonderful he is, but he really feels loved when I do very practical things for him to make his life less stressful.  I noticed that when I am really trying hard to love him in that way, I kind of catch myself making a little mental list… okay, I cleaned the house, folded all the laundry, organized all of his workout clothes for the week, and made a week’s worth of meals ahead of time so he’d have a home-cooked meal every day. Check, check, check, and check. But he hasn’t asked me about my day or what I have coming up this week. He hasn’t said a word about how I look, or said that he missed me this week. Well, I guess I can lay off the love language business a little since he’s clearly not interested in reciprocating…

Yeah, that’s pretty much an EPIC FAIL in the love department. When we start keeping score and “holding out” from loving each other on purpose, neither of us gets our needs met and we both become grumpy, to say the least. The goal of a well-rounded marriage truly is to out-give one another, and loving our spouse with that selfless agape love (the love with which Christ loved us) is the only goal. If we’re both doing that, then everyone wins. Do I have a long way to go in this department? Yes, no doubt. I suspect many of us do. But I will say that recognizing this helps me focus my prayer life toward that end. God, please help me look at loving just for its own sake and never to get anything in return or to set up an expectation. Help me wrap my mind around Your definition of love, and let Your approval of the love I show be the only reward I’m looking for.

Another thing I just realized in the area of score-keeping is a very insidious one. I was having a conversation with one of my closest friends the other day and we were talking about people doing things for each other, how it’s all just part of God’s economy. Sometimes one group of people have a little more money when others have less, so they can do some extra stuff for them. Or sometimes one person has access to certain resources, so they make them available for others to use. Sometimes one family has a little more free time, so they are able to do a little more for someone who’s schedule is a bit more hectic. It’s all cyclical too, so eventually the tide will turn a bit and the person who receives will be the giver, and the other way around. My friend happened to mention that it’s really hard not to keep score, not in the I-did-this-for-you-so-you-owe-me-that kind of way, but quite the opposite. More like the you-did-something-nice-for-me-so-I-need-to-make-sure-I-don’t-let-you-do-something-else-for-me-until-I-return-the-favor kind of way. Know what I mean? I never thought about this before, but I bet God doesn’t want us going around with an image of little tallies floating above other people’s heads, thinking so-and-so brought us dinner last month, so I have to do that for them soon. Or she has taken my kids a couple of days, I better offer to do the same or she’s going to think I’m a mooch. At the root of that thinking is actually a worry of what others think of us. It’s fretting about our reputation. God never said our love shouldn’t be extravagant, and I guess that would have to mean that the love we receive can be extravagant too. Now of course, when God’s spirit is working in us, we will naturally want to do things for others as well. But we won’t do it because we’re concerned for our reputation or because we’re plagued with guilt over keeping the score even. We’ll just love because it’s great to love. It’s the greatest.

I’m sure that’s not all I’ll learn about myself in this experiment, but it sure is a good start. I find it interesting what just a little focus can do.

How about you? How did you love this past week? I know some of you were also focused on the fruit of love in your own live this week. What did you find? If this is the first you’re hearing of this, think about your week. Reflecting back, how did you express love this week? What are some ways that others showed love to you? Where did you feel as if you were operating in the Holy Spirit? When did you fall short? I would love to hear your experiences, good or bad!

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves  another has fulfilled the law.

-Romans 13:8

Cultivating: Love

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Oh dear. This week has already opened up a big ol’ can of worms (by the way, where the heck did that phrase come from? Am I the only one who probably thinks it should be something more like “a can of maggots” or something?) Seriously, I think wayyyy too much about stuff sometimes. Anyhoooo….

This week I’ve been thinking about love. Not, (as I say to my students) the smoochy-smoochy kind of love, but the kind of love that is listed among the fruit of the spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  Against such things there is no law.

                                                                                                                     -Galatians 5:22-23

As with anything we try to understand in the bible, the best way to get to the root of the meaning is to go back to the original language. Of course anything translated from one language to another will lose some of its meaning, and I feel that is especially true with this word, love. If you’ve ever been introduced to studying the bible, you know that there are lots of tools that some super smart people have published to help us dig back into the original languages of the scriptures, and even now we can use many online versions of these tools. No excuse for not studying, right? I mean, hey, we don’t have to go learning Hebrew or Greek ourselves. We get a big break with that stuff.

This verse above from Galatians was written in Greek, so going back through the Strong’s concordance (my best buddy as of late) I found the original word that was translated as love in this verse. Not surprisingly, it was agape (ahh-gahh-pay). Now, lots of people who’ve been around the bible for a little bit know that there are multiple words used for love in the original languages. Hebrew- and Greek-speaking folk didn’t just throw around the same ol’ word to say “I love tater tots” as they did “I love my wife” or “I love God.” No way, Jose! While we might use that word for many different applications having a variety of meanings, they had a different word for different types of love. For example, the word for intimate, sensual love would be eros. The word for friend/kinship kind of love would be phileo. But the word agape means a benevolent-care type of love. It’s the same word used when talking about God’s love for us. It is, in my view, the highest type of love one can express, because it’s completely outwardly-focused. So recipients of this letter in the church of Galatia read this, they knew that the very first piece of evidence (fruit) that they were expected to have as people of God was agape. Benevolent care for others.

What I’ve noticed is that, as Christians, we ebb and flow between loving people beautifully like Jesus did and failing miserably at this. I know I certainly do. I’m asking God to help me flow more toward seeing others the way he does so that I can love them like he does. I think an awful lot of time is wasted trying to figure out why someone acts the way they do or doesn’t like us or whatever, and not enough time asking God what we’re missing about that person so we can show them agape.

For me, some of the worms jumped outta the can when I realized that the agape word in this verse is very closely related to the word agapeo (also translated as love) in several other important verses. For example, that is the word used in Matthew 5 where Jesus is teaching and tells people that they should love their enemies and pray for those who persecute them (oddly enough, exactly the verses my pastor taught from on Sunday!) And also later in Matthew 22 when Jesus says:

“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’This is the first and greatest commandment.And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Whoa. Jesus sums it up for us right here. The GREATEST commandment is to love him like crazy. To agapeo him, which means to show welcome to, to be contented with, to show care for. Then right after that, we are supposed to love (show welcome to, to be contented with, to show care for) our neighbors as ourselves. I realized this means that in order to do that, I need to love (show welcome to, to be contented with, to show care for) myself in that way.

I’ll just go ahead and tell ya, sometimes if all I did was love my neighbors as I love myself, they’d be loved in a pretty crappy way. I’d neglect their needs, talk about them pretty poorly, and generally show disdain for them.

My friends, I must confess that this is often how I regard myself, and God is showing me (even if I don’t feel like seeing it) that the first fruit of the spirit, love, begins with loving him, and flows into loving myself and into loving others. Hmmm. So I have to have a right view of myself before I can rightly love others?? Jesus, you blow my mind.

As far as the fruits of the spirit go, I kinda thought this love thing was going to be one of the easier ones (patience, not so much!) But this may very well be one of the hardest lessons I’ll ever endeavor to learn.

Can’t I just stuff those worms back in the can right about now?

 

Cultivating Character with Ben Franklin

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I can’t remember exactly what I was reading the other day, (a book often leads to an article which leads to a blog which leads to another book…sort of a common hazard among us ADD’s. Anyhoo….) but at some point a reference was made to Benjamin Franklin’s Thirteen Virtues. It gave a brief description, and I was fascinated, so I had to find out more. After a very quick search I learned the following from Wikipedia:

Franklin sought to cultivate his character by a plan of 13 virtues, which he developed at age 20 (in 1726) and continued to practice in some form for the rest of his life. His autobiography lists his 13 virtues as:

  • “Temperance. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.”
  • “Silence. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.”
  • “Order. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.”
  • “Resolution. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.”
  • “Frugality. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.”
  • “Industry. Lose no time; be always employ’d in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.”
  • “Sincerity. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.”
  • “Justice. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.”
  • “Moderation. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.”
  • “Cleanliness. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.”
  • “Tranquility. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.”
  • “Chastity. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another’s peace or reputation.”
  • “Humility. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.”

Franklin did not try to work on them all at once. Instead, he would work on one and only one each week “leaving all others to their ordinary chance”. While Franklin did not live completely by his virtues and by his own admission, he fell short of them many times, he believed the attempt made him a better man contributing greatly to his success and happiness, which is why in his autobiography, he devoted more pages to this plan than to any other single point; in his autobiography Franklin wrote, “I hope, therefore, that some of my descendants may follow the example and reap the benefit.”

Um…first of all, at 20 years old he “sought to cultivate his character” so he made a list of the highest virtues he could think of, then briefly defined them, and created a plan to follow them in order to have descendants that someday followed his example??

WHOA. I don’t know what you were doing when you were 20 years old, but I think I was probably just trying to cultivate enough dough to pay my rent and keep gas in my car. I was barely worried about my character (which explains a whole lot if you knew me back then.)

I have read over this list of Franklin’s 13 Virtues several times in the past week or so. I have been very inspired by it. I wondered how it might benefit me, as well as the world around me, if I took time to intentionally cultivate (or on some days, even bother to pay attention to) my own character as he did. How would it help bring to light things that I need to work on? How would it show me the ways that God’s gifts are already being used well through me? And what would be on my list of virtues to use as a measuring stick?

As a person of faith in Jesus Christ, my list is really already figured out for me. We already have a list of virtues to live by…they’re more commonly referred to in scripture as the fruit of the spirit. They are not just virtues that we should aspire to; they are actually the evidence that we’re growing more Christ-like every day.

I have an experiment in mind. Not even sure if that’s the best word for it. Maybe more like a 9-week devotional journey. What if we took this list of 9 fruits of the spirit, briefly sketched out what those look like to us in everyday life, and focused on cultivating one of them in our lives each week? Not a lot of work or hype, just focus and notice. I’d almost bet that some cool stuff would happen right in front of us.

I’ll be starting this next week. I’ve already had a couple of crazy chicks I know say they’re on board with it too. We can share our thoughts, progress, and shortcomings through the journey. Anyone else care to join us?

Carrot Cake Pancakes

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My husband has awesome muscles, no doubt. He has a very physically demanding job already, but when he began Krav Maga and Brazilian Jui-Jitsu almost a year ago, those muscles really started getting the workout of their lifetime. We also transitioned to a mostly plant-based, whole-food style of eating shortly before that, and we’re still working on how to balance regular life around us with this new focus on our health. On days like today when my husband knocks around at the Krav gym, he is also very likely to leave before sunup and not get home until sundown, since we currently live in the boonies a million miles from the rest of our life. All of this leaves me with a big dilemma: How to make yummy, protein-injected, plant-based foods that he can eat on the run and will keep him energized throughout his day. This is a work in progress, but I’m slowly getting better at healthier ways of cooking. Here is a recipe for some delicious pancakes that also make a great portable, anytime snack. This morning, my man slathered some crunchy peanut butter on a couple of these babies and packed them in his lunch. They’re going to make a nice snack with a jolt of protein that will not fill up his stomach too much just before he starts punching and kicking and throwing hammerfists and whatnot. They were tasty with some maple syrup, but they are also delicious on their own, even when they’re cold!  Enjoy!

Carrot Cake Pancakes, Adapted from Everyday Happy Herbivore

  • 1 cup whole wheat flour
  • 1 Tbsp baking powder
  • pinch of salt
  • 1 tsp ground cinnamon
  • dash of ground ginger
  • 3 tsp brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup non-dairy milk
  • 3/4 cup water
  • 1/4 cup shredded carrot (about 1 regular carrot)
  • 1/4 cup chopped walnuts
  • 1/4 cup raisins

Whisk flour, baking powder, salt, and spices together. Add brown sugar, non-dairy milk, and water. Stir to combine well. Let batter rest while you grate carrot as finely as possible. Heat a griddle or nonstick pan. Mix carrots, walnuts, and raisins into your batter. Pour pancake batter about 1/4 cup at a time onto griddle. Cook on one side until bubbles form, which is usually 2-3 minutes. Flip pancake and cook on other side, about 2-3 more minutes. Repeat until all batter is used, stirring batter each time so carrots, walnuts, and raisins do not settle to the bottom. Serve with maple syrup, peanut butter, or just eat one all by itself!  Here is the nutritional information, from Sparkpeople’s Recipe Calculator:

6   Servings

Carrot   Cake Pancakes, adapted from Everyday Happy Herbivore

Amount Per Serving
Calories 172.3
Total Fat 7.5 g
Saturated Fat 0.7 g
Polyunsaturated Fat 4.9 g
Monounsaturated Fat 1.0 g
Cholesterol 0.0 mg
Sodium 126.5 mg
Potassium 154.1 mg
Total Carbohydrate 26.0 g
Dietary Fiber 4.2 g
Sugars 7.0 g
Protein 5.4 g

Without the walnuts, less calories but also less protein:

6 Servings

Carrot Cake Pancakes (without walnuts)

Adapted from Everyday Happy   Herbivore

Amount Per Serving
Calories 105.7
Total Fat 0.8 g
Saturated Fat 0.1 g
Polyunsaturated Fat 0.2 g
Monounsaturated Fat 0.1 g
Cholesterol 0.0 mg
Sodium 126.3 mg
Potassium 110.0 mg
Total Carbohydrate 24.7 g
Dietary Fiber 3.5 g
Sugars 6.8 g
Protein 3.9 g

Everyone’s a Lifeline

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This past week I had the opportunity to volunteer as an operator for the Central Ohio Trafficking Hotline (285-HELP). I must say, it was by far one of the most emotionally and mentally demanding things I have ever done. I had to be available to answer calls 24 hours a day for the entire week. That means I answered calls that rang in the middle of taking a shower, in the middle of attempting to eat dinner out at restaurants, and even while grocery shopping. With cell phones everywhere nowadays, you wouldn’t think that would be such a big deal. But answering a call on the Trafficking Hotline is much different than answering a call from your sister or your golfing buddy in the middle of grocery shopping. You have to listen intently to the caller’s situation, write down details of what they relay to you, ask lots of pertinent questions to accurately assess their situation, and determine very quickly what resources can be called upon to help them in this scenario. Sometimes I just looked up some phone numbers for them to get the most direct connection to the assistance they needed. Sometimes I was calling my resources for immediate help to get the caller to safety. Every time I got off the phone I thought about something else I could have said or asked that might have helped the caller, or might have helped someone else help them better. In some instances, because my heart was heavy, my eyes even stayed open at night while I wondered how the person was doing and if I did everything I could to help them.

With all that said, I can also say without a doubt that this experience has been one of the most completely rewarding of my life. I never knew how a bunch of calls interrupting my shower would affect me. I never knew that I would remember the voices of my callers and how they sometimes trembled just a little bit when explaining their need for help. I never knew that a person dialing a phone could be such an act of bravery. And I never realized that making myself available to answer a phone would turn out to be such an important decision in my life.

Even though I was little more than the middle man between the help my callers need and the actual people who can help them, I realized that being available to answer that phone was truly a life-giving action. In some cases, the fact that a person in need of help even had that phone number to call in the first place was actually a life-saving thing. In some cases, it just made their lives more comfortable for a time. Either way, I realized it was a lifeline for them in some way, and I got the privilege of being part of it.

I thought about how in many different ways, we really all have the opportunity every day to be a lifeline for someone. Maybe not on a hotline that is published all over the place, but maybe just in our kitchen when we get a call from a friend having a bad day. Maybe it’s when a customer calls about an important shipment that is late. Maybe it has nothing at all to do with a phone, but comes in the form of a person at church asking you to pray for them. It might even be less obvious than that, like when someone you pass by looks lonely and you give them a smile or exchange some small talk. Maybe that’s their only lifeline for that day. I think a lifeline can be anything that keeps one person connected to another for a moment, and communicates a message to them that says “You’re important. You’re not alone.” In that same way, when we connect with each other, we’re connecting to something bigger and beyond ourselves. Something good. Something full of life.

We don’t always know when the opportunity to be a lifeline will come up, but we can choose to make room in our lives for when they do. We can pray for eyes to see and ears to hear things that are not always on the outside, and we can actively seek out opportunities to be a lifeline to others around us. What is it that stirs your heart in a way that you just can’t seem to not think about it? What heavies your heart to the point where you just have to take action, even if that means stretching beyond your comfort zone?

For me, its men and women and children who are treated like property, in a modern time when we look back on what we’ve always known of slavery and we shake our heads in disgust. It’s people not even knowing that an equally disgusting injustice is happening today, right in our back yards, but in numbers that dwarf everything our history books ever taught us about the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade.

For you, it might be orphans or clean water or the environment or access to medical care or racial reconciliation or homelessness or gang violence or education or poverty in general. I don’t know. All of these things are worthy of attention, but only your specific few will stir you individually into action. If you don’t know where you’re meant to be a lifeline, get your feet wet in something and start figuring it out. Because I’m telling you…time’s a-wastin’. And if you’re not making yourself available to be that lifeline to someone, then they’re missing out on something they need, and so are you. Find your lifeline so you can be one.

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If human trafficking is what stirs you into action, check out the Central Ohio Rescue and Restore Coalition , doma International, or Gracehaven House for ways you can help in the central Ohio area. Outside of that area, visit Love146, Not For Sale, Free the Slaves, or International Justice Mission, or As Our Own to learn more about human trafficking in the US and around the world.

 

 

Soapbox for ladies: the double-standard

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My lady friends…Something’s been bugging me over the past week or so, and I feel the need to climb up on my soap box for a few minutes. Like many things that are said from the soap box, it’s probably going to tweak some people off. But it wouldn’t be the first time, and I’m pretty darn sure it won’t be the last either. So here goes…(you’ve been warned.)

So, there’s this movie out called Magic Mike. Maybe you’ve heard of it. It’s completely awesome. Why? Because apparently it gives us ladies complete free license to dust off the ol’ “double-standard” and put it straight to work.

Women, I need you to think back: When was the last time your husband called up his buddies and chuckled on the phone about the upcoming new release all about strippers? Did he mark the calendar with the “now in theaters” date? Did they post on Facebook how they couldn’t wait to get home from work so they could head out on a Friday night and watch Channing Demi bare all he she had? Were you super excited for him when his buddy picked him up to have a “guys night” out at the movies together? Did he even arrange for a sitter (after all that helps take away the sting a little) so you could do whatever you wanted while he and his friends from work or church went to the theater early to get a good seat? I mean, you probably didn’t want them to have to strain their eyes to see every single square inch of those barely-clothed actresses’ bodies, right?   When he got home, did he tell you all about all the funny scenes with all those hot, nearly-naked women he’d seen on the screen that night?!

No??? Hmmmmm. Why not?

Because you’d freakin’ go ballistic, that’s why! And as a woman who 1) Loves Jesus and 2) Loves your husband (who also loves Jesus)  you’d have every right to be upset. You should expect more than for your husband to choose to spend his evening with a bunch of other guys feeding their eyes in a way that doesn’t need fed. It would make you feel like crap if your husband advertised to the entire world that he was going spend two hours staring at strippers, whether it was on the big screen or in a dingy downtown club. So, then…why are some of y’all ladies doing that same exact thing? I believe we just need to take a minute and think about the ways we want to be respected by our husbands, and that we in turn respect them in the same ways. And if we’re teaching our kids not to look at other people as objects to be gawked over, then we need to make sure we’re setting that example. Can I get a witness?

I’m not a prude. Far from it. I haven’t seen the movie and I won’t be seeing it. I’ve read the plot. Not much to it. (kinda helps my point here.) I’m also not trying to say that anyone is a horrible, terrible person for watching this movie. But it saddens me that somehow we women have been persuaded to think we have or “deserve” a license to do/say/watch/participate in things that we know darn well would send us into a tizz if our men did it.

In a world where we’re asking men to stop acting like dogs and to step up and be real men, we can’t very well start becoming the dogs ourselves, can we?  Just a thought.

Soapbox transmission ends.