Well maybe this is cheating a little bit because this moment actually happened on Friday night, which is technically before the 31 days challenge began…but I am the boss of this blog so too darn bad. 🙂
My husband and I were sitting at the bar of one of my favorite restaurants while we waited to get a table, and we had one of the best conversations in the universe. We were talking about our relationship and some of the great things that we’ve shared recently, but also about the difficulties we both have had, the struggles we fact, both new issues and the ones that have been difficult to shake over the past several years of our lives. We confessed sin to each other, spoke of things we wanted to change in the future, and shared dreams we hoped to accomplish but needed God to set them all up.
During the conversation, we were reveling in the fact that we can literally talk to each other about everything. Neither of us has to put on a different persona around the other…we just be who we are, say what we think, and the rest falls into place. He was telling me that some of his good friends, other fantastic godly men, are often saying how much they admire the communication we share in our relationship. It’s good stuff. However he also said that many of them have the opinion that there are some things, particularly certain struggles that men face, that should only be shared and confessed between guy friends who will hold each other accountable to change. Not that women aren’t intelligent enough to discuss those things with, but they feel that there are some struggles that men face that the details of which are burdensome and potentially damaging to their wives’ hearts, and by “unloading” all of that on his wife, a man actually may make himself feel better by making his wife feel worse.
I see the point they are trying to make, and so does Todd. I believe that sometimes that may be true. But it’s just not that way with us. Above all else, we’ve vowed to be truthful and completely real with one another, struggles and all. We both agree that we’d much rather hear all the icky details than to never know the struggles that each one is going through. After all, we can pray for each other very pointedly that way. It also helps me understand whatever my man is going through so that I can help him in the battle whenever and however I can. So we talked about this, and tossed around ideas of what it might be like if we took the advice of some of his friends and kept some struggles only to ourselves and our same-sex friends.
But when it came down to it, I told him that I believe God has given us a special grace for helping each other through our various issues and points of struggle. So in a way, if we don’t allow each other access to those issues and struggles, we aren’t able to extend that grace to each other for help and healing. He kind of nodded his head and for a moment there, I thought he was actually lining up with the other train of thought.. But then, he said:
“Yeah, I get what the guys are saying, and maybe that’s the way it is with their wives since everyone’s relationship is different. But I’m just not comfortable with that. I don’t like having chambers of my heart that you don’t have access to.”
~~~~insert dreamy sigh here~~~~
Wow. He doesn’t want to limit my access to certain chambers of his heart? Now that’s an open line of communication, ladies and gents. I was teary-eyed, just so thankful that God saw fit to give me a man who would even think those things, let alone say them out loud. That’s a good moment. And I realized that I would have completely missed that had I not gone home right after school and allowed time for my husband the way I should. If I had been my usual workaholic self, I would have been at school until 7 or 8 in the evening and that date —that irreplaceable moment–would never have happened.
All this made me wonder…what other incredible moments have I been missing out on?